Summer College Writing Lab
July 19, 2019
The Weight That Keeps Us Up
Gravity pulls me down. Gravity pulls everything down but something is always keeping us up. What is this something? Can that something be motivation? Can that something be discipline or can that something that be something right in front of us. Whatever that something is, I know that I found that something at my arrival at Drew University.
I said goodbye to my mother. I said goodbye to my brother and I took a deep breath in New York City knowing that I would cherish that smell for the whole week while I was away. It was like an annual family reunion, even though you know you will see your family next year, you can’t just help but tear up. I believed I hastened to get on the yellow cheese bus because I really didn’t have any friends and lets face it no one really trust a yellow cheese bus. The road was bumpy, and rough, and couldn’t even sleep because the nose was so unsettling. It sounded like a gurgling alligator waiting for me to go to sleep then *Snap* I am in it mouth slowly being consumed.
I was so tired slowly falling asleep until we took a large turn, I raced to the window to get a mere glimpse of the campus. It was beautiful but also big the intimidation faction started to settle in. I was frozen in a state of shock looking at all the green that surrounded the campus no brown or gray found in sight. The mere beauty of the campus was absolutely outstanding, each piece of architecture was something that people can stand and admire for hours as if they were hypnotized. Initially, I was filled with a state of relief thinking to myself how beautiful the scenery was but that feeling of be scared and nervous came back hitting me like a moving train. First it struck in the back of my throat then attacking my stomach then making its way down to my legs, creating a feeling of numbness. I still couldn’t move until I heard my name over and over again “Adrian…Adrian” as I came back to reality, I heard a girl behind telling me to move out of her way because she was carrying such heavy luggage. I quickly ran out, trying not to show fear in front of the mentor. One by one they came to each of us greeting us in the most respectful manner ever witnessed by human eyes, they even requested to take our suitcase. Even though I admire their hospitality I kept my distance trying to find something wrong or off putting about them. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to find any, they seemed to be genuinely happy to see us.
That unsettling feeling grown even more and more like a balloon being filled with hot breath until it eventually pops and the guts of the balloon goes flying everywhere. Was that ballon going to be me with my feelings holding them in until I explode or will I actually have a chance to express myself on this trip. As I was thinking this a tall slender man came up to me and requested my name. I said “…Adrian…” in the quietest and shy voice I can make possibly make. He then asked me if he could take my bags, I quickly answered “NO” not wanting to continue the conversation any more. It was like a fly captured in a spider’s web you know resistance is futile but you resist anyway in attempts to get away from your the spider. It seemed that I somehow got away from my adversary but I knew deep down in my heart that I would have to fight again and next time I will lose. I will have to actually face my fears and speak my mind to other. This lingered in the back of my mine never fading from existence. The mere idea of exchanging in conversation is scary but on a college campus it was terrifying. There are some many things that can be said in a conversation and sometimes it’s not always clear what to say. There are multiple ways to convey one message and or start a conversation and to say something there are also the consequences of making a fatal misstep and your conversation will slowly fall into the abyss.
It was the first day and I knew this devastating event was bound to happen, the game that all anti-social people face, the notorious “Icebreaker.” It was like storming into battle uncertain if you will come back alive. However, playing the games with my fellow classmates I began to get to know them and it felt more like dipping your feet in water and eventually you will be able to swim. But what if I drown would I sink to the bottom filled with turmoil and dispair just to become another person to be forgotten or would a lifeguard come to my rescue and save me from quietness. Or would I have to learn to swim by floating to the top and confronting my problems. For the rest of the week would these questions linger in my mind and I became my own lifeguard swimming through my feeling so gracefully without any problem.
I got to know my classmates and my mentors as well exploring the cracks and crevices of college. Moreover, getting to know the basic idea of college and exploring the academical side and the social side of college. However, one question remains unanswered: where did this willingness to become self sufficient come from? Does it come from the idea that people will have to live by themselves one day or is it taught? What happens to the people who are not taught this skill… do they drown? Whatever happens to them I am a firm believer that there is a chance that people have the opportunity to figure their issue, they just haven’t experienced yet. I have expected that during my first year at Drew University and I wonder what I will this year as well.